You think you've got problems?
by Swirling Coffee
Summary: “I will have you know,” said Sirius rushing to put his pant on “that ducks happen to be my favourite animal!” he said promptly. “You put your pants on backwards,” said Remus Hermione snorted with laughter so did the other two piddlepops.
1. Default Chapter

Chapter one Let me fix my pants in peace!  
  
"OMG SIRIUS HELP! WHAT DO I DO!" said a woman who was on the opposite side of a table to a vampire in the corner Sirius was yelling instructions to her he was tied up? "USE YOUR WAND YOU'RE A WITCH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" he yelled back.  
  
"OH YEAH!" she reached into her robes and yanked out her wand. She threw it as hard as she could at the vampire; it hit the vampire in the chest and the vampire evaporated into dust.  
  
"Or you could do that.?" said Sirius who was confused but pretty satisfied with the results. "Thanks sirius I don't know what I would do with out you" she said starting to untie him. "Yeah and I don't know what I would do without my mobile, oh yeah I don't have one SOMEONE threw it in the lake thinking it was evil!" he said frowning at her.  
  
"HEY! It started ringing! O.k.? You would have done the same!" she said putting her hands on her hips. Sirius rolled his eyes. "Come on we better get back to the others the are probably wondering where we are".  
  
~ "WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY!" yelled snape who was getting fed up with waiting. "Patience severus they probably got lost or something" said remus trying to think up excuses "LOST!? THEY SAID TO MEET US HERE IF ANYONE SHOULD BE LOST IT SHOULD BE US!" he said going red with fury. Remus then picked up the map and opened it "oh wait.we are. We are supposed to be over there" they both turned their heads and saw Ivy and Sirius sitting on the park bench.  
  
Snape looked beyond pissed he turned his narrowed eyes on remus "you mean to tell me we have being sitting here for the past 2 hours when we were supposed to be over there!" he said to thin air as remus had already started walking over to where Ivy and Sirius were.  
  
"So did you guys have any troubles getting here?" said Remus to Sirius and Ivy. "No" said Sirius. Ivy elbowed him "Oh wait yes we did I got a splinter in my finger" said Sirius nodding. Ivy rolled her eyes.  
  
"Anyway this meeting will have to continue tomorrow," said Ivy matter of factly. "But we just got here!" said Remus sulking. "Yeah but I am tired" she got up and walked home. So did everyone else except Remus who stood in the rain singing until he heard a noise in the bushes got scared and ran home.  
  
~  
  
The next morning at Remus's house. (A/N: Sirius is staying with Remus for a while NOT SLASH!). The doorbell rang Remus sat up on the couch shabby as ever with a few twigs in his hair. (A/n: remember he had to run home last night? Yeah well he ran straight into the back of a garbage truck he was stuck at the dumpster till three in the morning when finally someone decided the joke was over).  
  
Remus got off the couch and opened the door it was Ron Hermione and Harry (a/n o.k. I am referring to them as the piddlepops from now on o.k?)  
  
"Oh hi guys I guess Sirius is still asleep the lazy prat" he said. "You just got up didn't you?" said Ron. "Yes" he let them inside and closed the door.  
  
"SIRIUS WE HAVE COMPANY COME DOWN!" he yelled up the stairs they heard some thumping "AND PUT SOME PANTS ON!" the heard the thumping moving back into the bedroom and the some even louder thumping coming down the stairs.  
  
Two minutes later Sirius was laying at the bottom off the stairs his pants halfway up The staircase. Hermione giggled.  
  
"Umm. Sirius aren't you a little to old for ducks on your boxers?" asked Remus who was holding down a laugh.  
  
"I will have you know," said Sirius rushing to put his pant on "that ducks happen to be my favourite animal!" he said promptly. "You put your pants on backwards," said Remus Hermione snorted with laughter so did the other two piddlepops.  
  
"oh that's rich" said sirius going back up the staircase to fix his pants in peace. 


	2. Winking blinking underpants

Sirius spent the rest of the day in his bedroom trying to come down the ducks but it was useless the were too hyped up. (They are magical boxers). So Sirius changed into special smiley faces.  
  
"Good morning Remus my good friend and how are we this fine morning?" he said placing his hands on his hands on his waist. "O.K one it's three in the morning two your flies open and three did those smiley faces just wink at me?" he said sipping his coffee.  
  
Sirius fumbled to pull his zipper up realizing his smiling faces ripped boxers were jammed in the zipper. RIP! "NOOOOO!!!" he screamed. "MY BOXERS TORE!"  
  
Remus was suppressing the laughter. "Its O.K. darling we will get you a nice new pair with little pink rabbits on them how's that sound?" he said cracking up as he watched sirius struggle to pull his pants off. "Remus now is not the time for oh no!" he said still struggling to get his pants off.  
  
"What?" Remus asked still laughing a bit. "I am stuck in these pants!" Remus cracked up laughing.  
  
~ "I can't believe we sank so low as to get a pair of scissors I mean gees Remus we could have damaged the baby making parts!" Sirius said. "No you could have damaged your hot spots I wanted to be no were near you!" he said standing behind the couch away from Sirius.  
  
"Got to admit it was funny when Ivy walked into though" said Remus sniggering a bit. "Hey when are we going to let her out of there anyways?" said Remus still hearing the muffled cries a girl locked in the closet.  
  
"We could let her out and run for it?" said Sirius "Cause she will literally kill us you do realize that right?" he continued.  
  
"Hmm. we could get Harry to let her out," said Remus. "REMUS! That's a great idea come on lets go get harry".  
  
"Guys its three in the morning uhhhh!" harry yawned with his eyes closed. "O.k now all you have to do is let the lion uh I mean nice candy man out of the closet and he will give you the Quidditch world cup," Sirius said making up a crappy story line as he went along.  
  
"If I do this can I go back to bed?" he stomped his foot. "Look if you do this we will all go back to bed together!" said Sirius "uh I mean no I didn't mean it like that!" said Sirius looking at a now wide-awake harry and a stunned and grossed out Remus.  
  
"You just scarred Harry," said Remus. "O.K lets do this on three" but harry had already opened the door and not only did Ivy come out but so did a bunch of flesh eating under pants.  
  
Running commentary: WILL our heroes make it through the flesh eating under pants crises find out! Now.  
  
The Under pants were everywhere and eating everything including harries arm. Harry screamed like a girl and he sat up in bed with his scar pounding "voldemort" he says "yes?" said a voice in the room harry flicked on the light to find voldemort standing in the corner harry screamed again like a girl and sat up in bed.  
  
The door burst open and Sirius ran in with a knife "HARRY WE HEARD THE ARGH ARGHS! EVERYWHERE WHAT WHOSE THERE ARGHS IS IT THERE IS IT HERE WHAT WHAT WHAT!" he screamed a butchers knife only centimeters away from harry forehead.  
  
Harry's heart was beating faster then a rabbit can run. "Umm. sirius I told running in here with a butchers knife would probably kill him" said ivy.  
  
"Hey anyone could have being attacking him he was screaming! We needed to act fast with a weapon!" retorted Sirius. "Yes and that's why you quickly ran to the bathroom to fix your hair as soon as we heard screaming".  
  
Sirius ignored that.  
  
"Anyways Harry happy birthday" said Sirius. "Mum.its not my birthday" said harry "okay harry sure its not what ever you say" said Sirius with a chuckle.  
  
"Nice boxers Sirius" said Remus. Sirius let out a girlish scream and ran out of the room. Remus was laughing now. "They weren't really showing," he said. They all laughed gaily together for hours before joining hands and singing koombiya by the fire roosting marshmallows and telling stories of their wild and wacky hair dos.  
  
"BLAHKLALOJDOWMNCIENVIOEBNE" went the sound of Sirius gurgling down gross mouthwash. "GOODGODDIDDLEODODOD!!" he gurgled even loud now.  
  
"Sirius china called they said and I quote 'shut up,'" said ivy leaning against the bathroom doorway. "Why are you in our house?" he said.  
  
"I don't know" she shrugged and walked away. "Okay." said his mirror reflection (in my other stories sirius and his reflection have many happy and glorious adventures together such as sirius's reflection and the mirror of erised or sirius's reflection and fishing boat mayhem).  
  
Remus ran out of the house screaming. "right then.." Said harry who had gone bold with stress. "Interesting" said legolas (A/N hey its my fanfiction I will write in who and what I want speaking of.) "hello" everyone looked at the person who had just walked in. It was..  
  
*drum roll* A noodle.."How are we all today?" said the noodle to the stunned faces. "excellent news well anyway" but the noodle was cut off because a giant boot with remus riding in it had squashed the noodle to a messy pulp. 


End file.
